A New Sunrise

Monday

September 18, 2023

Life changes. Life changes a lot following the trauma associated with an emotional bludgeoning such as the one I have undergone. My life is changing. It seems to be changing in a hurry this far along in my journey. At least it feels that way to me.

A great many things will not fade away and disappear. Those are foundational bedrock. However, a great many things must change to accommodate the unfolding of this life-transition. Without this accommodation, my unfolding future will continue to look like the lived past and too many future days will be consumed by sorrow in a continual grieving for the past.

I saw our friend at Walmart in Bay Minette today. I had an early appointment to get blood drawn preliminary to my appointment with my primary next Monday. I stopped there after my chiropractor straightened me out again. I needed an air-freshener for the van and a nice scented candle [Lemon Balm and Cedar] for the house. It must be better than six years since we first met her. She is as short and round as ever. She was checking groceries when we first met her back then. Great hugs and enough conversation to find out she wants to move to North Carolina to be close to her brother.

Life changes. People change. Circumstances change. People die. People move and we lose contact with them or contact if greatly lessened. The human experience will always be one of change. Oh, how we fight against change when change is one of the only certainties associated with the human experience.

It seems that everyone I know is going through some kind of life-transition. Some are going through really hard life-transitions trying to make it through to some new dawning. “Hope springs Eternal in every human breast.”, says Alexander Pope. It’s hard to have hope when the pleasant world you have known is suddenly obliterated and gross emotional darkness fills your days and nights. Hope is hard to find when the best you can do is just hold on while waiting for a new sunrise.

Moving ahead in this “imposed upon me” life-transition is no insult to the past. Far from it. Much to the contrary. Moving ahead at my age, stage, and point in my life is honoring every contribution of this diverse … sometimes colorful, sometimes light, sometimes dark … past of mine. I am, today, the sum total of every one of my life’s experiences … both the good and the bad of them … and every personal relationship I have entered into … again, both the good and the bad of them.

I am yet too young in physical years to throw in the towel and give up on living life to the fullest of my abilities. I am yet too young interiorly to succumb to these circumstances that I have been plunged into. I cannot simply stop living.