November 3, 2023
I have realized of late that I function better with a compatible companion in my life.
Oh gosh. I really enjoy the flexibility that I have that allows for spontaneity. I know how to cook and take care of house. I can do laundry. I have learned how to do electronic banking and stuff that I never had to give any thought to because my trusted companion was on top of it all. Ah. I am more than capable of fending for myself in matters such as these. But there is something direly lacking in my personal make-up. There is a vacancy … an open hole … there in my interior weave.
What’s lacking is companionship with a life-partner. And companionship is not just about having someone to have sex with. Ah. That’s an important department. Yes. I miss making love. I am, after all, still a man. But it’s more than a sex thing. There is way more to companionship than sex between two willing human beings. Everything contained within the companionship package is integrated and interrelated. Neutralizing any particular fiber in the weave creates problems in the whole network.
Yeah, I get it. And, oh my goodness, the tragedies that occur when trying to build a relationship on top of a mound of incompatibility that only generates more relational conflict and separation than anything else. I’d sooner take a vow as a religious hermit and live the rest of my life in seclusion than to spend any time at all brawling in a conflict habituated relationship. Oh my God. I don’t need or want that kind of hell in my life. I’ve been through enough hell already. Thank you kindly.
I hate that the van is going into the shop to repair the damage that little deer did to it coming back from Missouri. It means I don’t have wheels to spin at will. I am, at the same time, looking at the lack of mobility as an opportunity to get this little shack beside the track straightened up inside. My otherwise impeccable housekeeping skills somehow fell along the wayside somewhere back there. That wasn’t the only thing that needs renewing. I do need to get back into a habit of cooking a little even though cooking for one is no fun and generates stuff to wash and clean up.
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